


The power of one

by bkitsune



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Camgirl Pidge, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gay Disaster Shiro (Voltron), Hunk (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith is not an orphan here, Manager Shiro (Voltron), Rock and Roll, Singer Keith, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Space Mom Allura (Voltron), Streamer Pidge | Katie Holt, spoiler in the tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23671645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bkitsune/pseuds/bkitsune
Summary: ''Maybe it's time to let it go.''Keith reluctantly had to agree.At the age of twenty-one, after being arrested, and with a stagnant music career, he decides it's better to start a different approach again. Singing for the last time in '' Red Lion ''.Katherine 'Pidge' Holt should learn to organize her sleep hours, but every time she gets a new game, she ends up streaming for hours without rest. After the orchestral trip to Arus, she began to rethink her career as mezzo-soprano.
Relationships: Keith/Pidge | Katie Holt
Comments: 46
Kudos: 31





	1. Broken wings

**_In my opinion seeing is to know_**

**_The things we hold  
_ **

**_A_ _re always first to go  
_ **

**_And who's to say  
_ **

**_We won't end up[alone.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xICZAQ7GBQ)_ **

* * *

''Don't touch my hair!''

''Calm down boy...''

The officer behind sighed heavily when they walked down the office's halls to the holding cells, Keith could briefly recognize how the guy prepared one of his hands near the teaser to electrocute him in case he decided to start kicking. He couldn't blame him, Keith had already tried when they put him in the car the first time and found him red-handed, committing the problem that got him there in the first place. And thanks to a brief scuffle when he tried to escape, he was caught on the hood of the car, earning a swollen cheek that he felt throbbing with resentment. But if he didn't want to compound the penalty-free, it was best if he took a deep breath before everything got out of his hands. If it was possible.

He didn't want troubles, he just wanted to get out of there before his mother found out that at twenty-four he had been arrested for vandalism.

One of the officers removed the handcuffs when they closed the cell, his wrists were little stinging from the previous struggle, but not enough to hurt him, which was a relief. Looking at the cell more closely, Keith was thankful that he was the only person who had troubles one Thursday night, he cleared his throat at the smell of mold and dirt that ran throughout the place, deciding to lean on the bars to do not touch anything.

He watched with deep irritation as the officers filled out the paperwork, lazily complaining about how their quiet night shift had been interrupted by an anti-social punk, who had nothing better to do than break a privately owned car. Keith couldn't be more offended by everything that had happened.

It might have a sloppy image and maybe a few drinks on him, but he could think of many other ways to take advantage of his night off than in prison! But again, as the body's adrenaline started to drop and the weight of his decisions further clarified his judgment, he had no right to complain or defend himself at the time. Not even in his high school years was he so reckless as to be arrested for his outbursts, even though he felt he was completely justified. He sighed heavily thinking he would tell his boss in case they decided to stop him for more than a day in that filthy place.

At least Keith was sure James Griffin would remember him for quite some time...

Expecting to never find him hanging around the bar again, with the warning of his completely wrecked car, Keith believed he was smart enough not to show his stupid face for the rest of his life.

Hours began to pass, and after officers saw he had no record on his papers, they let him make a call for someone to pay the penalty and let him leave home.

With the phone in hand, he called Hunk, begging the heavens to stay awake, thinking of possible questions he would ask about his silliness. But after several attempts at complete failure, he knew that his roommate wouldn't help him this time.

Keith cursed openly, surely, he would have gone to visit his girlfriend overnight leaving his phone on silent, as much as he likes her, it wasn't enough to know her phone number. But before one of the officers took the phone from him to put him back in the cell that was waiting on the other side of the room, Keith made one last call that would surely have serious consequences for the future.

Hell, it couldn't be worse.

The call was answered on the second dial, to his relief and torment. Hearing a raspy voice, he implied that perhaps he had awakened him from a deep sleep, and a knot in his stomach made him think that maybe he hadn't made the best decision. But he couldn't back down anymore.

''Who is?''

''It's Keith,'' He replied almost shyly, hoping not to bother him more than he surely was. And heard something stir on the other end of the line before continuing. ''I made a mistake.''

''What did you do, kit?'' He said after a strong sigh followed by a lament, giving Keith to understand that he surely already guessed where he was.

''I broke Griffin's car and the police stopped me... Can you come to find me?''

''I don't know,'' He answered disinterestedly. Keith's jaw clenched, hoping that at any moment he would cut the call on a whim. ''Being in a cell may do you good. This is the greatest stupidity you have ever done. What would your mother think if she found out?''

''I hoped you never told her,'' Keith replied uniformly and heard an incredulous snort on the other end of the line. ''I don't think it was a good decision either,'' He sighed heavily, still feeling the pain on his cheek. ''Breaking a car is not going to give me back the only opportunity I had to advance my career. I thought I would feel better, but ... I just won a blow to the face and a fine that I can't pay.''

The words hung in the air for a few moments. Keith was honest, despite everything, damaging Griffin's car didn't give him any kind of peace of mind. He was only miserable in his misfortune, and the opportunity he had to improve his career was taken from him without even being able to object to it.

He felt hopeless.

''We'll talk later, give me the police station number,'' Keith nodded, surprised that he was helped by his uncle. Spelling one by one the code of the office that was on a wall along with the debt of the fine.

''Thanks, Kolivan.''

With a hum on the other line, he hung up. Keith sighed with relief knowing he would help him once he returned the phone to one of the officers, being led into the waiting room while his uncle was on the way.

* * *

''I spoke to Krolia a few minutes ago,''

Kolivan said once they both sat at the kitchen table with cups of black coffee for each one. The driveway was silent until they reached his uncle's house on the outskirts of the city. He knew a talk would come after paying the fine, but he wasn't expected he would speak to his mother almost immediately.

Keith looked at the cup, processed everything that would lead him to find out what had happened. The knot settled again on his stomach at the thought that his uncle might be disappointed in him.

''You're lucky I met the Lithuanian and agreed to pass it on as a foul,'' Keith nodded disinterestedly, he no longer cared if his papers were stained by bad decisions. ''Apparently, they spoke to Griffin, and he decided not to press charges against you.''

''He stole what belonged to me,'' He spat bitterly, his hands pressing hard on the mug at the memory of the past few weeks. ''He would be a real bastard if he had dared to-''

''Keith,'' Kolivan caught his attention with the same tone that he used to repress in his childhood, with a hand on his shoulder and a look of complete understanding. ''I know why you did it, I understand that you did it when you felt betrayed and hurt by something that took so much work for you to do, but you cannot commit a crime.''

''I know…''

It was the only thing he could say. And the knot in his stomach rose to his chest at the thought that perhaps Kolivan was concerned about his future, hated to feel like an aimless child, but his actions had revealed that control of his life had completely slipped from his hands.

Under no circumstances, even after his father's death, had he lost his mind to the point of being arrested. Despite all his discipline problems in the past and his mother's difficulty in not being with him for several months because of his work, Keith was able to think rationally.

But that night, he just exploded. And he felt that he lost much more than the opportunity to grow in his singing career.

The sting in his eyes was a warning that his tears would come out if he kept talking, so he continued to drink from the coffee that was beginning to cool. Kolivan did the same.

''Maybe... It's time to let it go,'' Keith closed his eyes holding back a scream and felt the room spin around. He felt sick for a moment, it was what he least wanted to hear from him. ''Maybe focus your career on pedagogy or as an independent lyricist. You have a talent, kit,'' He emphasized his words caressing her healthy cheek. Shattered by the whole situation. ''I was always the first to support you with all this, you know it,''

Keith nodded silently, controlling his breathing to calm down and speak without breaking. ''I can't stop now, no... Not when I'm so close to getting it.''

''You need more than talent to be an independent musician, Keith,'' Kolivan said softly. ''I understand what you are going through, I was in your place almost at your same age. But holding on to an illusion will make you worse than you think. Think carefully about where you want to take your future.''

Keith didn't reply, too bewildered from reality to process Kolivan's words, too beaten in a single night to know what to say about anything.

After finishing his coffee, he went to the guest room that his uncle always had available for him, with the promise that the next morning he would call his mother to let her know about what had happened. Keith had the best memories on those rustic wooden walls overlooking the forest that surrounded the house for protection. Kolivan singing him songs from the past decade when thunder or nightmares didn't let him sleep, or teaching him how to identify musical notes only with his voice, along with the promise that he would surely be an excellent musician in his adulthood just like his father thanks to his perfect ear.

Now, all that rebounded like a dream destroyed in his last words, giving up on what he had struggled to achieve for so many years, feeling as incompetent as a ten-year-old boy. No kind of memory could get that feeling off his shoulders.

He left his belongings on the nightstand to remove his pants, his unloaded cell phone had a new crash in the screen protection, so he would have to change it when he had the chance. He didn't know if it was because of the beer cans that still made him a little dizzy, the fight against the officers or the conversation with Kolivan, but by resting his head on the pillow, quickly lost consciousness. Naively thinking that perhaps when waking up everything would be the product of a cruel nightmare.

* * *

The next morning, Keith felt as if he had been thrown from a moving car.

His head was hammering so hard that he could hardly concentrate when Kolivan asked him if he would go downtown or to his apartment after forcing him to breakfast. He felt an irritable tension in his back area that was not allowing him to walk properly, possibly from the fight with the police when he tried to escape, and his body generally felt as if he carried lead weights in each foot and arm. But he preferred to remain silent, his uncle sometimes used to let him take care of his problems alone as long as it didn't kill him, but the context of the situation would be an additional concern for Kolivan, and Keith didn't want that.

Once he said goodbye and promised a third time to call his mother when he charged his cell phone, he was able to take a bus and head to his apartment. He took a quick shower before leaving Kolivan's house, but he still felt the discomfort of his dirty clothes on his skin, and if he had luck, he would take advantage of sleeping a little more before his shift began.

Friday nights were always more tiring.

He sighed heavily as he began to see the buildings and the usual congestion on a Friday morning, the noise made him cringe in his seat with a sickly hum. At least he was lucky that his route wasn't near the shopping area, or the hustle and bustle of the people around him would surely worsen his mood.

Keith had about twenty minutes to get to the stop he needed, and the bus quickly began to fill up with people who were surely heading downtown for their jobs, talking on the cell phone or dozing on chairs with hardly the strength to stay alert around them. Although Keith couldn't blame them, despite the congestion, thefts were rare in Arus.

''Sorry!''

When he looked up for a moment, he could see a surprisingly small woman trying to get out of the door area with a black case in hand that she protected with her own body. Her hair was copper, and she was tied in a high ponytail giving her a serious look, wore a white lace blouse that fell gracefully over her bare shoulders, accompanied by black cloth pants and high-heeled shoes that made her look very much higher than she appeared.

She was too out of place among all the people in a high hood and baggy pants. Not to mention that she had curious and refined features that showed that she was not exactly American. When she briefly looked up at him as she walked towards the back of the bus, Keith saw an out-of-this-world color that made his heart stop for an instant.

Her eyes were golden. Mythical, and surprisingly warm that made his skin stand in contemplation. Suddenly, he felt the heat on his face begin to rise when he saw himself looking longer than allowed.

Averted his gaze awkwardly and tried to focus on his work, slapping his face with his hand as a way to wake up. He needed to organize his itinerary for tonight as soon as possible, he couldn't waste time looking at the first cute girl who crossed his path like a horny teenager.

Although if he was honest with himself, there were rare occasions when he considered any person cute...

Keith lowered his hand a little to look subtly at where the girl was. She was leaning against the window, reading a score very carefully, not caring about the constant movements around her, her lips moving smoothly, silently reading each of the notes that she would surely play in the future. And thanks to a ray of light that came directly to her face, he could feel a slight frown between her eyebrows showing her deep concentration.

Keith smiled unconsciously as he paid attention to the window to calculate when getting off the bus, the girl was damn cute.

Once he identified his whereabouts, quickly got up to approach the door, without noticing that one of the people around the girl pushed her until she almost lost her balance, knocking the case behind her legs to the ground with a blow that even Keith lament whatever was in there.

Before he knew it, he reached out to grab it off the ground and return it to her before she was stepped on. The girl looked at him expectantly for a moment, to give a brief thanks and a quick smile. Keith's heart pounded as his hands brushed hers for a moment to put the case on her shoulder, and he headed for the door before the exit closed.

When Keith looked back, the bus was already gone, but the warm feeling on his chest and hands stayed for several blocks.

He felt like a stupid teenager again just by chance with a girl he would surely never see again in his life. But he had something strangely different in the rest of the world that attracted him almost immediately. It was strange, considering that he never used to be very in tune with his emotions, much less in women, but he supposed that perhaps the last events of his life had left him relatively vulnerable to anything. And that, in other circumstances, he hadn't even noticed her.

Ja! _What a lie..._

When he got to his apartment, he mentalized himself to erase the stupid smile that formed with the mere memory of the girl and her gaze on him. Once he opened the door, Hunk jumped on him.

''Finally, Keith!'' He hugged him so tightly that his muscles thundered, and the pain on his back stung like hell. ''Kinkade told me everything you did last night and that you were arrested when Griffin called the police! Do you know how many times I've been calling you!?''

''Sorry...'' He tried to answer while doing his best to get away from him, Hunk understood the hint and quickly released him. ''My phone was dead and I couldn't contact you.''

''You have a horrible bruise on your cheek buddy, are you sure you're okay?''

''To be honest? No. And I don't want to talk about it.''

Keith replied as he sat on the living room chair, letting out a heavy sigh as he placed his keys on the table.

Hunk was lost for a few seconds in the kitchen, only to return with a cold compress wrapped in a towel. Keith accepted it, thanking him gently to place it on his cheek. Curiously, it no longer hurt or throbbed like the night before, but having it might generate a bad image for his work.

In turn, he saw Hunk looking at him questioningly, and his stomach churned at the thought of what was to come next.

''I was very worried about you, I thought you had been sent to jail when you didn't answer my calls.''

''I'm sorry. Really,'' He said softly. ''Kolivan took me out a couple of hours after being arrested, my papers weren't stained thanks to an agreement that my uncle made with the lieutenant in charge. But…''

''What Griffin did is shit,'' Keith gasped when he heard him. It was fun being able to hear Hunk curse. ''Hey, I can also say bad words when I'm frustrated. My girl hear me say all the shit variants five hours ago because I didn't know where you were.''

''Don't do it,'' Keith tried to smile with the compress on his face. ''Don't suit you, big man. Also ... What happened yesterday I can no longer solve.''

''What are you going to do then?'' Hunk cringed with concern. ''You invested almost all of your savings in that.''

''I do not know,'' Keith removed the cloth from his face, resting his elbows on his legs in silence. He didn't even have the mood to look up. ''I could keep working at the bar, it's not that bad. You know, I earned something stable, enough to save and invest in what I need. Sometimes it allows me to participate in one or another concert as an opening act, but...''

''You're stagnant,'' Keith nodded when Hunk's words echoed in the room. ''Hey, maybe what I'm going to say will sound bad and you may be upset, but...''

''Would better dedicate as a teacher or lyricist?'' Keith added before Hunk finished, nodding fearfully when he heard it. ''Kolivan told me last night.

''And what do you think?''

''That is shit,'' He leaned back on the couch covering his face with his arms. Completely covering the look that his friend would possibly have. ''I have worked all my life to be an independent musician. And that overnight I'm unable to do what I have struggled for so many years, is...''

A lump caught in his throat without letting it finish. There, away from his family, strangers or police officers who judged him or would feel sorry for him, his true feelings came to light, beginning to cry bitterly before even being able to stop him.

Hunk hugged him to lean on him, like more than a single container of his defeats. He was his best friend for years, and the only person he could break up with without feeling like a total failure.

He was not just overwhelmed by everything that happened in less than twenty-four hours, he was disappointed that everything he wanted being always too far out of reach. Music was a place where no matter how talented you were, it couldn't emerge if you didn't meet the right people, where betrayals and deals under the table were common in the industry, and if you didn't have a strong connection you would never be taken seriously.

And he was too tired of all that.

Once he managed to make his breathing calm enough to speak, he quietly thanked Hunk for being his warm shoulder again, for heading to his room and sleeping a couple of hours before getting ready for work.

''I'll resign at the end of the month.''

It was the only thing he said before closing the door. Hunk just looked at him dejectedly but decided to keep his mouth shut.

The next few hours felt like a deep sleep. He woke up when the few evening lights reached his face, he had a couple of hours to prepare before his night shift. Keith still felt a brief discomfort on the side of his face from the blow, but it was not as unbearable as it had been at the beginning, as was the sensation in his chest.

He would properly thank Hunk, who was surely still at the patisserie doing the last errands in the afternoon. Keith grabbed a clean towel to wipe away the exhaustion from his body, if he had luck, it would keep him awake until dawn. Once he was out, he was dizzy for an instant, tripping over the furniture on the way to his bed. Realizing that after lunch with Kolivan, he hadn't really eaten anything all day, so he rushed to get dressed and prepare something quick, donning baggy pants that gave him enough comfort to move around, grabbed a shirt with the classic red The Rolling Stones tongue to be in tune with the atmosphere of his work.

It didn't take long to make a sandwich, thanks to the leftovers of meat and vegetable Hunk left during the afternoon. Taking his belongings and keys after tidying up the kitchen a bit and avoiding his partner's anger, he quickly left his home to head to the ’Red lion’ ’bar.

He had found that place by chance after graduating from the Daibazaal Art Academy. To the surprise of many, it was a fairly large place that often-encompassed fans of an emerging band, and with the billiard and open bar area, it generated a pleasant enough environment to pass the time. Rolo, the administrator, and owner of the bar had offered him to work as a soloist during the weekends when at a gathering of colleagues, he was challenged to sing in full view of the world.

For Keith, it was just a game and a way to show his teammates that he was not afraid of challenges, but he didn't know what would have become of him if he had not offered him the position right after leaving the academy. Job offers were complicated and being a solo artist limited his opportunities. Many went straight to pedagogy or instrumentalists; he was lucky enough to survive based on being a musician in a bar that was doing a little better than the rest.

He could no longer avoid the inevitable. And he wasn't just referring to his future job.

When his co-workers were preoccupied calibrating the instruments for tonight's event, Keith came out for a moment with the excuse of smoking a while. Not that he did it often, he had tried to quit for many years when his teachers and Kolivan warned him about the consequences of a bad throat, but it was difficult when his whole family did it and had already acquired a nicotine dependency since the seventeen years. And he needed it urgently with what he would do next.

He unlocked his cell phone once he leaned against the wall in the back of the bar, and went to the first contacts he had recorded, just when he heard the dialing sound, he lit the cigarette.

''Keith?'' She asked fearfully, he nodded even if his mother couldn't see him.

''Sorry, I was late calling, I was busy dealing with everything that happened.''

''I guess Kolivan already gave you the talk,'' Krolia answered as if she was resisting raising her voice. Keith hummed in affirmation, exhaling heavily from his lungs. ''Are you smoking?''

''It is the first one,'' Keith stated with a grimace, but Krolia only moaned in response. For a moment, the sound of cars and test music was the only thing that resonated in the environment. Keith felt that neither of them knew what to say next so as not to end up arguing.

''You know... Your father also ended up in custody'' She said softly, at last, Keith thought he had misheard for an instant. ''Long time ago, before you were born, a guy gave him false information and couldn't get to the show that cost him so much work to have. He hit him until he broke his knuckles.''

"That's..." Keith started to laugh nervously at the possibility of that happening. His father was a man with so much patience that he hardly remembered seeing him upset. ''Strange.''

''Yeah, well, people do wrong things when they lose faith in what they believe.''

Keith gently exhaled the smoke trying to imagine the situation. How terrible his father must have felt after regaining his mind, how distressed his mother might have been to hear about the fight. And for some reason, he couldn't help but think Kolivan was amused by the situation. But suddenly, he didn't feel as misunderstood as before.

It was something that happened often, the competition in the music industry was devastating.

The drummer caught his attention after a few moments, he had to prepare the return of his microphone.

''I have to leave you, mom,'' Keith said, putting out his cigarette on the asphalt. ''I'll call you tomorrow during the day, I promise.''

''Take care, have a good night. I love you,'' An unconscious smile was drawn on his face along with the warm feeling of his chest.

''I love you too.''

The weekend event brought with it quite a large crowd compared to other nights. He could see unfamiliar faces and more of a group that was dressed perhaps too elegantly to head to a bar like that. But Keith was not concerned about that.

That night would probably be the last one he would play as a freelance musician. He had to prepare himself to do his best.

_Maybe... It's time to let it go._

He shook his head once everything was ready to clear up accordingly. No. he wouldn't think about it that night, he needed to put on a show like a pro. Especially if it was full of people who didn't need to know about his personal problems.

The guitar solo accompanied the rhythm that was already counting mentally mechanically. One of his original songs as the beginning of his journey silently broke his heart.

_Fight the fight alone_

_When the world is full of victims_

_Dims a fading light_

_In our souls_

As always, on stage the lights from the spotlights blocked his view completely, he couldn't see anything except shapeless silhouettes that surrounded him like scavenging birds waiting to devour him once he stopped singing.

_Leave the peace alone_

_Now we all are slowly changing_

_Dims a fading light_

_In our soul_

He felt selfish.

Despite Kolivan's unconditional appreciation, Hunk's support, and his mother's love, the desire to end it all in a moment didn't come out of his head. The feeling of inadequacy, the despair of not reaching the top of their goals at the mere whim of a few.

_In my opinion seeing is to know_

_The things we hold_

_Are always first to go_

_And who’s to say_

_We won’t end up alone_

The more he thought about it, the surer he was to give up everything he had fought for years. Even if he asked his fate for a single sign to change his mind, he was sure they would not give it. He took a deep breath to get to the note he needed before the chorus, staring at the audience.

Any sign ...

Whichever…

Until golden eyes amid shadows and smiles made him lose his breath.

_Oh broken wings I'm falling_

_And it won’t be long_

_The skin on me is burning_

_By the fires of the sun_

He screamed, as loud as he could until his throat felt as if it were breaking into a thousand pieces, ripping the air from his lungs as if it were burning in slow fire. Delivering what he wanted to an audience that seemed to want to imitate his wailing with emotion.

_Oh skinned knees_

_I'm bleeding_

_And it won’t be so long_

_I've got to find that meaning_

_I'll search for so long_

Keith wanted to destroy everything, burn around him and then himself on an eternal fire. He wanted to break whatever came his way and at the same time disappear so as not to think about anything else.

He wanted to cry from the bottom of his heart.

And he left everything in that place full of unknown people. His air, his sweat and his last vestige of faith in the music he loved so much.

After a few hours, Keith stopped thinking.

* * *

He woke up to the insistent knock on the front door echoing painfully over his head.

Keith grimaced trying to get up from the chair after two days drinking as if the world or the beer was going to end. While Hunk was next to him hugging in the fifth dream a hamburger-shaped cushion that he gave him for his last birthday. His poor friend came with him yesterday to pass his sorrows after a discussion with his girlfriend, and he looked much worse than Keith was.

The constant knock on the door continued to echo.

''On my way!''

He responded irritably when the person behind seemed to have no respect for the privacy of others. He pulled on some cloth pants along with the first shirt he found on the floor, realizing later that these were Hunk clothes, but he didn't mind too much.

He ran his hand through his hair in an attempt to look presentable in case Shay was to apologize to his friend. But when he opened the door, he found a person he had never seen in his entire life.

A man with a long brown Montgomery and neatly cut black hair on the sides of his head, except for the white streak that covered his forehead. He was more than a head tall compared to Keith, and his shoulders were wide enough to look intimidating, though his gentle face hinted that he wasn't there to seek a fight.

Actually, that man just didn't fit in his apartment or his neighborhood.

''Keith Kogane?'' He asked with a brief nod. Keith crossed his arms over his chest, skeptical.

''Who are you?''

''Sorry for showing up unexpectedly,'' He said checking something in his pockets, to get a black card with a golden lion as a logo. Keith swallowed hard as he recognized the letters. ''After your last bar presentation, the manager told me that you had resigned that same night. I'm Takashi Shirogane, I'm here to discuss the possibility of being your agent.''


	2. Regnava Nel Silenzio

**He is the light of my days,**

**and comfort to my suffering.**

**I forget my troubles,**

**Tears turn into[joy.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-8g2aGnvtk)**

* * *

''Is Hugh Jackman really sing in that movie?''

Pidge stretched out her arms lazily to relax her muscles, her back ached like hell from sitting on a chair for more than five hours straight and part of her butt was already relatively asleep. Although it had been part of her daily life for several years, it seemed that she could never get used to that sedentary routine in front of a computer while playing or chatting with her followers.

Quickly, a series of comments exploded on the left screen in front of her desk, where they answered her question with multiple possibilities while the next game loaded on the central screen. She had been bored a long time ago from Overwatch, and it was already a bit repetitive for her to shoot to achieve a goal with a lot of people who often didn't even know what to do to win something so simple, but she used to win visits with it and received enough donations in the process.

So fuck it. She would hold out a couple more games before resting, and during the week she would look for another game to keep her audience interested, she also didn't want to take advantage of her luck, if she wasn't excited, soon others would notice and her visits would drop, so Pidge also had to be smart about which game to choose in live. The clock on her ditoo was already 2 a.m., and while it could last a few more hours without a problem, she needed sleep if she wanted to be a functional adult when the next day started.

The basis of her job was that she had to take care of herself physically, but many times she wasn't even able to eat more than twice a day without being reminded by the alarm on her cell phone.

A response with a donation caught her attention before the game began, much more concise than the others, which she appreciated. Reading wills while keeping her attention on the game was completely useless if she wanted to play well.

_**15 ₤ from JackD5:** ‘’ Hugh Jackman already sing on TGSM, he also sang on Les Misérables in 2012 too’’_

''So if it's him, I never would have expected it. It is not that he has a poor technique, he did it well enough to be an actor,'' Enough to surprise her. ''Thanks for your donation and your answer buddy.''

She was being honest. Despite not being too strict about other people's work, Hollywood actors generally did not perform a clean enough technique to consider it acceptable. Although also influenced by the fact that Pidge had been working since the age of five on her lyrical technique, so few people managed to impress her outside of her work area. In a life surrounded by tenors and sopranos who continually fought over who amazed the audience the most and was revered for their talents as prodigious beings, competence and validation had inadvertently become part of her lives.

If her parents hadn't kept her down to earth as she got deeper and deeper into the world of classical music and gained an admirable reputation at the age of twenty-three, Pidge would surely be an insufferable diva. She was a _prima donna_ after all at most events thanks to her extensive vocal record, a position she had earned with more blood and tears than she would like to admit.

But for many years, that title was already beginning to weigh on her shoulders. Which left her in a complex situation considering all the way she traveled to get to where she was.

Many times, Pidge wondered when was the last time she had that feeling of accomplishment before music. That almost instant infatuation that was recurrent in her childhood and adolescence when she listened to new pieces by Tchaikovski or Rossini, who marveled her from the top of a stage with multiple instruments that followed the dancers or singers in time who told tragic stories of life and death.

To her innocent eyes, when the curtain rose Pidge entered on a world that only existed in a theater surrounded by a mythical aura that few had the pleasure to know, much less in a place like Rome. Now, as an adult, only the ashes of that passion remained that she remembered with longing.

She sighed heavily when she had to change champion when she saw that the game needed a tank to perform effectively, trying to avoid the intrusive thoughts she had on the subject. She loved music and was happy with the life that had, but she couldn't remember precisely when the last time her heart fell in love with her work.

A quick memory popped into her mind, eliciting an unconscious smile from her, as she tried to focus on murdering an elusive Moira.

The last person to get close enough to that feeling was someone who hit her in a vulnerable moment after a foreign performance, and left a strong impression on her. The Arus guy had a vocal register that made her skin stand on end until the last minutes of that magical night. He didn't have a complex composition like what Pidge was used to, and more than once she had to bite her lip when her orchestra mates whispered in disgust when the drummer lost his rhythm for not coordinating correctly.

But the passion in his voice, the almost visceral emotion he professed as he sang words of anguish from a sad story, brought her back to that feeling of why she had fallen in love with music in the first place. Suddenly she was able to vividly recall the moment when the curtain rose to make way for the prima donna singing the opening entrance to an opera, along with the warmth of her insides running through her system. The love of music that she felt agonizing for so long was revived that day by a stranger, and she could not take her eyes off of him at any time.

After finishing, Pidge wondered if maybe he had a social network where she could follow him or something like that, but she found nothing even with many searches in between. Not even Allura, when she mentioned her interest in the guy, managed to find something even when she shared the short video of the story on her social networks in an attempt to get to his name, which already said a lot.

Maybe it was a band that only existed in that bar, like a part-time job or a mere weekend hobby. He looked like those classic heavy music boys her brother used to put on when he left ambient noise while doing something else. So even if she did get to him, he might not have a very wide repertoire.

Pidge could still feel chills on her back when that guy's exotic eyes came up with painful notes, which even some guys in the orchestra commented that he was incredibly talented in contrast to the accompanying musicians. It was a real shame that she couldn't hear him beyond a single night. Feeling like a beautiful hallucination that appeared once in a lifetime and that would not be repeated. Pidge felt like crying when the show ended, that guy's gaze darkened with deep sadness when turned off the lights even though people started clapping effusively. Internally wondering if maybe he was having a bad time in his life.

It was well known that the more miserable you were, your art would manifest itself more humanly and vividly into the eyes of others.

Since then, she couldn't get it out of her head. Causing a dizzying sensation in her guts, where she was not sure if it was right or not so attracted to him. It was clearly because of the music, but a part of her wasn't quite sure.

The game ended with an impending defeat, and Pidge growled wearily as she leaned back in her chair as she waited for the statistics. She shook her head to order her thoughts, she didn't need to think about complex things right now.

_**Highsttk:** ‘’ That was faster and disappointing.’’_

_**Affirfan0: ‘** ’ Heyyy Pidgeee ’’_

_**Illimastf:** ‘’ They were shit af, how can you attack in melee a tank with Blackwidow? !!’’_

_**5 ₤ from Deatstr89:** ‘’ You look tired babe’’._

_**3 ₤ from MainYasuo52:** ‘’ Another one!!’’_

_**Gamerfaker65:** ‘’ @ Illimastf I would also be tired too if I get that team.’’_

''Couldn't do much if they didn't focus on the target, it seems like it was the last game of the night.''

She closed the game ending the night of the stream, although she spent a couple of minutes chatting with her audience to say goodbye in a better way.

Years ago, Pidge would have ended the show with her computer's loading screen without answering any comments or giving more information, but when Matt suggested she be friendlier if she wanted to receive more followers and donations, her stage fright dissolved in no time, and they loved her even if she didn't tend to be that chatty unlike other players on the platform.

Then she realized that it wasn't so terrible if she had already set the rules from the start, her lives were about games she found interesting or talking about projects by independent creators that might look promising, and people saw her because she was good enough to compete even against people who had more years of training than her. Causing in the last year, where it began to gain more popularity, many brands of professional articles asked to be promoted in her videos. And Pidge was proud to have made a hobby a secondary source of income that didn't demand as much from her as her main job.

Although due to the massification of its content, many people who arrived had offered ridiculous amounts of money to wear the least amount of clothing as well as other streamers as well known as her. At first, Pidge thought it was a joke and simply blocked them to focus on the game, but the harassment grew the more she ignored them, so thanks to the suggestion of her brother and Allura, she managed to reach a one-day arrangement special once a month so they wouldn't ask her for things she didn't plan to do publicly.

Now that she thought about it, the red day would soon come, and she still hadn't found any new clothes that her select audience would like. But she preferred to leave it on a forgotten part of her head for the moment.

Many demands appeared for her to play the next saga in the next live, and she smiled tiredly in front of the camera preparing to finish the broadcast.

''Sorry guys, we have the next show on Friday and I need to be in shape, I'll be back on Sunday,'' Many sad faces and words of encouragement filled the screen. And Pidge smiled with what little energy she had left as the number of visits dropped every second. ''Maybe we can play the Final Fantasy franchise from the beginning to celebrate the remake of VII. Until then, take care.''

With a series of positive comments about the offer and a few negative ones, Pidge decided to close the windows and turn off her computer. The brightness of the led lights dimmed behind the screens and she tried to fix some of the mess she had everywhere after several hours on the desk but gave up quickly when she managed to grab the glasses and most of the dishes that adorned her table to leave them on the sink, with the poor promise that it would be served the next morning.

She saw the time again on her ditoo. 2:26 a.m.

At least she could get enough rest so that her conductor wouldn't notice her dark circles. And with a little more weariness than she would like to accept, she quickly gave up on her bed.

* * *

''I hate you so much…''

''What?''

Pidge turned to see Rizavi looking at her sharply after Iverson gave them a short break after the second act. They had been working hard for the next show and a new week of theater events would soon begin, and rehearsals were going better than she expected, even if Iverson watched her occasionally when it seemed like she was going to be out of tune in parts, she got resist exhaustion to put on a show without getting into trouble.

If her father had seen her, she surely would have received a free reprimand for her irresponsibility of staying up late playing, but as long as she did her job well, she didn't have to worry. Besides, someone else with a higher vocal range had been assigned the lead role in the play they were currently working on, so Pidge was not under fire at the time.

She could take discreet breaks as long as she kept her technique well-polished.

''You stayed until 2 in the morning talking to the _boomers_ of your followers and you can still sing well until the second act, you are a despicable being.''

''That's sad, I will play the smallest violin in the world for you,'' Pidge replied ironically, drinking a little water while Rizavi childishly imitated her.

''But seriously Pidge, if you keep making an effort during the week you can end up tired. You should think about your health.''

''Matt called you again, didn't he?'' She asked suspiciously, but Rizavi shrugged, agreeing, and an exhausted sigh came out of her lungs at the idea that her brother continues to contact her co-workers to keep an eye on her. Again. ''You shouldn't worry, it's not like I do it all the time anyway, and it doesn't affect my performance.''

''I don't care if you can perform on stage, you are my friend,'' Rizavi said with an accusatory look. ''Also, for weeks you have had your head everywhere.''

''What makes you think that?''

Pidge inquired defensively, but Rizavi just shook her head, then grabbed her face and turned her to the side of the room with enough subtlety that no one would notice and realize for herself what she meant.

There, hidden among the instruments and several chairs that were used for string musicians, Shay, one of the main sopranos in the play and the star of the next show, was happily speaking with one of the trumpeters who was well known to be he had an obvious crush on her friend since she started working with them last semester.

''No way'' Pidge said in a slight choking. ''She has broken with Mr. Dickhead!''

''A week ago,'' Rizavi replied, with a tone of pride. ''And it is official because she changed her status in her profile and doesn't follow him in any social network, I investigated it myself.''

''Shay!'' Pidge yelled at her address, to get her friend's attention. ''Glad to hear you dumped your boyfriend jerk! You make me proud!''

Shay was furiously embarrassed to nod and turn her back and not see her embarrassed face, while the trumpeter looked shocked at the revelation. Pidge was lightly tapped on the shoulder for being so rude, but it was necessary to be a bit cheeky when both were overly obvious.

Her friend had suffered too much for a man who couldn't bear having such a sweet and talented girl by his side. Pidge wasn't much of a talk about dating relationships with her friends, given her precarious personal history, but even she knew that the attitudes her friend was having were not normal. Shay never talked too much about her partner when they spent time together after rehearsals and there was no physical damage to alert them to something dangerous, but the feeling was there, latent to explode at any moment.

It was good to know that she no longer had to worry about it, and Shay was doing a job to regain the value that had been taken from her for so long. But something inside Pidge, it felt strange.

''Why did she not tell me?''

''Don't blame her for that,'' Answered her friend with a slight smile. ''Shay is very sensitive and didn't know how to feel when she broken, as it seems that it was a mutually agreed separation. Only today was she able to approach Seok without feeling guilty or ashamed. Well...'' She turned a reproachful glance towards Pidge. ''Before you screw it.''

''Bah! she will be ok.''

''But that proves my point that you haven't been paying attention lately.''

''You are thinking too much,'' Pidge replied simply. ''I never pay attention to the rest.''

''The Pidge before the presentation in Arus would have noticed...'' She looked away sad at Rizavi's words, trying to prevent the image of that unknown guy from coming back to her mind.

''I'm just ... Tired''

''Then you should listen to me and leave the streams for a while,'' Rizavi replied, if she noticed the change of mood on her body at the mention of Arus guy, she did not say it. Which Pidge appreciated. ''You're missing interesting things, Coran cut his mustache the other day.''

''Seriously!?''

''No!''

After a brief chat with Rizavi, Iverson reunited them again for the following rehearsals together with the entire cast of the theater. Pidge completely lost track of the time between acts, constant scene changes fast enough for everything to go smoothly and perfectly before the official performance. Their leader had no mercy in squeezing every last vestige of talent from each of the musicians present that afternoon.

She couldn't think of anything else except work.

Pidge got home late at night, her feet felt heavy like she was wearing lead shoes and she was barely able to walk. Her back was too hard to sit properly, and the half-hour ride from the theater only made it worse. Perhaps it was due to exhaustive work and poor posture while sitting while playing for the last time. But just in case, she would ask her chiropractor when she had some time, she could not have complications in the middle of the week of events because of her medical file that had been giving her problems for many years.

She threw herself onto the couch when she left her things on the living room table, placing a pillow under her stomach to leave her in a comfortable posture that didn't hurt as much. She wasn't even strong enough to prepare some food before bed when her stomach growled. What she least wanted to think about was that she had to go back to that hell the next morning.

Pidge did not want to imagine what Shay had to be suffering as the protagonist of the current play. Even she who didn't have that many lines could feel her throat resentful from the excessive work that afternoon.

Before her eyes closed with exhaustion, a call snapped her out of her lethargy so quickly that she freaked out, standing up abruptly.

When she reached for the cell phone on her desk, she saw Allura's name on the record. But Pidge didn't want to answer her, sometimes she ended up listening to her for hours while pretending interest that little by little began to despair. Maybe it was about her boyfriend or some new idea about a video considering the time, so she supposed it would not be so important. And without any feeling of guilt over her heart, Pidge decided to turn off her cell phone and go to sleep in the bed.

* * *

Shay began singing _Regnava Nel Silenzio_ after the first act ended and all the men left the scene free, starting the second part of the first act that had been well underway up until now. Pidge listened intently at her side as her supporting role dictated, as she was accompanied by the orchestra's instrumental band as they rehearsed it. Looking casually, she could see that Iverson was smiling proudly at her friend. Not surprisingly, Shay did extremely well to be the first time in a leading role thanks to her ability to make quick notes easily. And as she listened to her _in crescendo_ with the beat of the violins, she seemed to appropriate the stage more and more as she advanced to her established place, shining in her own light, the people around her murmured with genuine interest how wonderful the rehearsal was coming out.

And Pidge, sitting in one part of the set, waiting for Shay to come over to tell her about the ruthless dream of a girl being killed outside the castle as the story of the play supposed, she feels envious of her.

A deep frustration mixed with anger seemed to grow inside her as the violins accelerated in rhythm around her, where a naive part of her mind made her believe at a moment that they were playing according to what seemed to be emerging in her guts. Every time she heard Shay sing her blood boiled with rage, the tenors' voice burned her ears, the people around her seemed to mock her, and the music in staccato only increased everything that seemed to slowly poison her.

But despite everything, she kept her face impervious at all times, her movements were graceful and sweet when she needed to approach the spotlights as an accompaniment with the others, and her voice did not fail in sweetness and temperance when it was her time to sing.

It didn't matter if she was ripping herself apart or wanted to rip the face of the person in front of her with the anger that slightly hindered her movements, she must look elegant. Her emotions did not have to cloud her professional judgment, the technique of her voice needed to be exact and she was achieving it even at the cost of her sanity.

And more importantly, no matter how much she was hating opera at the time and desperately needed to take off her costume and run into her father's arms so that she would never let her go on stage, she must act as she had been doing since the ten years.

For that she worked hard all her adolescence, she told herself internally when they passed the second act. She had sacrificed too much in her life to leave it for a simple disappointment that could only be temporary, she tried to convince herself. No matter how hard she tried to search the net for another type of profession or did research on similar professions, none convinced her entirely.

As she moved around the scene for a moment one of the spotlights hit her face in the middle of the transition, and she hesitated a second to keep walking. Just a small second that Iverson wouldn't notice, a time that perhaps the musicians around her would see as something curious, a moment of the scene that her coworker would consider as a need to stay in scene one more time for having been denigrated to a secondary role due to her vocal register.

But for Pidge, it was a second where she saw herself imprisoned in a golden cage. Full of privileges and art around her that many would kill just by touching it, where she could easily sleep in that place for all eternity and would have no major worries in her life. But she felt empty, without a soul. Something was missing that would give her life meaning, that would motivate her to fly and look for the love that for a long time she thought she would find inside that place. Realizing the third act, that all that visceral energy that emerged from one moment, was just the deep sadness that was drowning her young heart.

Pidge could no longer push her thoughts into the depths of her mind when her heart couldn't take it anymore. But despite everything, Pidge kept smiling.

* * *

She arrived home a little earlier than the day before, and for some reason, she felt as if her lungs had been snatched away. She sat down gently in the chair, then rested her head on the back and sighed heavily. And just that simple action made the tears fall.

She cried without fear that her eyes would swell or her neighbors would hear her moan. She kept her emotions guarded for too many hours that her head ached like hell all afternoon, she deserved a release no matter what.

Pidge was so tired of everything. She just wanted to feel good about herself like she had years ago. Listen to an opera with her family and get excited at the idea of participating in it if she has the chance in the future. Sing a ballad with her brother that they listened to on the radio one weekend as a couple of idiots while they dismembered it part by part. Or feeling half as happy as a teenager when she was on stage, being watched by hundreds of people who were just there to hear her sing some love story.

Suddenly, the room fell silent, listening only to the erratic breaths of her stuffy nose thanks to the congestion she gained. Until the sound of her cell phone brought her out of her cathartic trance.

She pulled the phone out of one of her jacket pockets, seeing Allura's name on the ID.

Pidge hummed with a slight smile, she had been avoiding her during the morning when she saw some messages from her in the notifications, and during her work, she did not have time to think about it again. Perhaps it would do her good to hear the misadventures her friend had to tell her. She felt slightly more relieved now that she had cried.

''Hello-''

''Why don't you answer the damn cell phone!?'' Pidge moaned as Allura's voice echoed loudly in her head, causing the migraine to return.

''I'm in rehearsals for the next presentation, I thought I had told you.''

''That is no excuse! When I call you it's a life or death situation!''

''I'm going to hang you up,'' She stated pushing the cell phone away from her ear.

''Well, do whatever you want. But I have information that could cheer you up for a long time,'' Allura said with a uniform tone, but that demanded attention. Something inside Pidge piqued curiosity.

''You got me. What's going on?''

''Well, that you've been missing something important Pidge, I have news about Keith.''

''Who?''

''The Arus guy!''

Pidge's heart galloped at eighty a minute at that, abruptly rising from her chair when she realized that not only had Allura found information about that singer but she also now knew his name.

How had it happened!?

''How do you know his name?''

''Everyone knows it, that's the idea when you are a popular singer,'' Allura added laughing. ''In one of the many messages I send you, there is the most popular video he had. Keith has started a musical career shortly after Arus' performance or something like that. And it's been gaining quite a bit of popularity since earlier this month. Have you lived under a stone or something?''

''Something like that…''

Pidge did not know what to say, leaving her friend on the loudspeaker while addressing the messages she had sent her, Allura was not exaggerating when she said it was a matter of life and death, with more than 200 messages unread. At the end of the conversation, a link to a video along with the miniature of his partially covered face hovered over it.

The eyes of the Arus guy, now Keith, were there. And her heart warmed with emotion.

''Well, try to get out of your rock once in a while. I know that sometimes I talk too much, but I know you and I know that you have not been well Pidge, and your voice doesn't sound very stable to say,'' She said softly, Pidge swallowed hard thinking that maybe she had not noticed, but she was just being kind, which made her tear a little more. ''Call me if you need to talk, I am always for you.''

''Thanks Allura, for everything,'' She said just in a whisper. And she could hear Allura laughing on the other end of the line.

''You're welcome, enjoy your hot boy.''

Pidge rolled her eyes in amusement and quickly thought about finish the call and enjoying the video quietly while making tea. But suddenly, she was in the mood to talk to Allura about how things were going. She wanted to talk to a friend and although she didn't like to say it openly, she really needed it.

The video could wait.

**.**

**.**

**Allura**

**_22:40_ **

_Pidge answers the cell phone, it's something important._

**_8:10_ **

_Good morning, when you see this message call me._

**_9:12_ **

_Ok I saw you online and I am very sure that you are avoiding me_

_Answer_

_The_

_Damned_

**_PHONE._ **

**_13:01_ **

_I'm on my lunch break, if you don't talk to me I won't tell you anything about the Arus guy._

_Did I get your attention now?_

**_14:25_ **

_It seems not._

**_15:06_ **

_Answer!_

**_16:12_ **

_I'll kill you._

**_(185 unread messages)_ **

**_20:36_ **

_Since you are not interested in anything that I could say, I will end this friendship, don't try to contact me._

**_20:38_ **

_I'm kidding, Matt told me you're on rehearsals. But got dammit answer my calls!_

**_20:40_ **

**_Keith K. - UNDERWORLD (Official Video)_ **

_https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiS8vrOZvKo &t=1280s_

**_20:41_ **

_I wanted to show you this. I will no longer try to talk to you._

**_20:42_ **

_I'm going to call you and you're going to hear everything I have to say, bitch._

* * *

**_._ **

_If someone wants to know what is a[Ditoo](https://www.geeky-gadgets.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Ditoo-Bluetooth-speaker.jpg), I just think it has very aesthetic for Pidge. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much troubles to concentrating the last month. But at least I could finish the second chapter!


	3. Thunder

_**They say you're basic, they say you're easy** _

_**You're always riding in the back seat** _

_**Now I'm smiling from the stage while** _

_**You were clapping in the nose[bleeds](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKopy74weus).** _

* * *

He shuffled the pencil over in his hand as he stared at the blank paper in front of him for many minutes in an urgent attempt to get motivation. He sighed heavily after staring at the clock in his room for the fifth time in less than half an hour when his concentration failed again.

Nothing. His head was empty from any idea or feeling that might arise within it. It was deeply frustrating that he was already beginning to lose patience with himself.

He had been out of ideas since several weeks ago when Shiro showed him how excited he was about the amount of playback he had with his first album released on a massively used daily platform, hoping in encouraging him to generate more content. It wasn't a large number within a general range and compared to international artists, it was quite low to be recognized notoriously, wherein less than a day many other people would have triple the number of plays he had in a whole year. But thanks to the video's stroke of luck that went viral within weeks of his last performance at Red Lion, the numbers were still considerable from what Keith could have imagined before. With each passing day, more people got to know him, and the numbers of his songs accelerated to an impressive level that he never expected to have so quickly in his entire musical career.

But that more than thrilled him and inspired him to write more songs for the next project, it scared him to death.

Keith was used to public attention, both for good and bad because of his explosive attitude and fast-paced personality that led him to more than one bad situation in his life. Adding that thanks to his work as a singer for several years in a medium-known bar, it helped him to function more smoothly when he saw a mass of people around him without falling into a panic attack. But he couldn't help but feel frightened by the explosive popularity he received in such a short time, at his agent's words, he would only start to grow if he played the next cards in his career well.

Which made it worse.

It was a critical moment where he had to make himself known with the best repertoire he could deliver to the world that was watching him expectantly. Keith felt strange, hilarious, and at some point excited that he could finally see a light at the end of all the crap and sacrifice he had to make for so many years to finally feel that he was resurfacing in what he loved so much. But there were so many emotions gathered inside him that he didn't know how to handle it properly without his heart being compressed into disconcerting feelings.

So the overwhelming feeling did not help his motivation at all, blocking him in his expectation and frustrating him more and more every day, preventing him from getting a good idea for his next job, or even getting a good picture of what he wanted to structure his future in such a short time.

He threw his notebook across the room in exhaustion, after realizing that it would be a useless job for the moment, lying down on his bed to rest a bit from the effort of getting a miserable note. He thought about playing random arpeggios on his acoustic guitar again and putting on a record to call up some inspiration, but none of that had worked for him in the last three weeks.

There was no longer any point in doing something that he knew would not pay off. He was about to get up for a short walk and clear his head when he heard a soft knocking on his door, watching Hunk shyly peek in with a tray in his hands.

Keith smiled back at him, relieved by the distraction.

''Hey buddy, I made some candy with a new scent, you want to taste it?''

''Sure.''

He moved slightly so that his friend could settle comfortably on the end of his bed where half of it was surrounded by loose leaves and work equipment, leaving the tray in the middle two cups of tea and some small, curious substances sprinkled on top of each. Keith took the first inquisitive bite, feeling quite sweet and wet over his mouth, but liked it almost immediately when he could get used to the new texture. 

''Any news?'' Hunk said after drinking some of his cup, looking around the room, which already looked like a complete mess. Keith just hummed in denial, swallowing the candy completely.

''It's hard when I have all the pressure on me. If I don't do better than the first one, it's going to be hard to get up afterward.''

''That's kind of extreme. Even Queen has bad records in their early days,'' Keith pointed an accusatory finger at him, drinking tea quickly from his hand.

''First, we don't say that about Queen,'' Hunk raised his hands in a sign of truce with an amused smile. ''Second, it was not so easy to know those bad directions before and could go unnoticed. Now it's all quick information, including people's judgment.''

''You have a point there. But you've been here for days and every day it seems like you're going to go crazy,'' He said in a worried voice's tone. ''I understand this is a unique opportunity after the last thing that happened, but...''

''It's just the pressure of a lot of things actually...'' Keith sighed heavily, trying to sort out his thoughts so that his friend would understand correctly. ''Now it's not so important to maintain just one music style. I don't have much scope to be recognized by a mark and people are just waiting for what I can give on my next album, but everything I do from now on will be decided by my audience. And it's something...''

''Terrifying.''

''Totally!'' They both agreed to extend their altered arms, so they couldn't help but laugh. ''I was ready for this when I graduated from the academy, but all this recognition came when I was starting to retire from all this, along with an agent who seems to be committed to my career advancement. Coming back in the same mood when it all started is complicated and somewhat exhausting,'' He snorted at the cup of tea again. ''I feel a bit old saying that and I'm not even in my thirties yet.'' 

''Maybe it would do you good to take your mind off work,'' Hunk replied appreciatively.

''I was thinking of taking a walk in the park...'' Many times, just a change of scenery helped him think better, but it also diverted his priorities a lot to other things, so it was only an option of last resort when nothing had worked out. Hunk shook his head as he chewed on one of the candies. 

''I don't mean that, but to get out of the city, change your mind completely. Maybe go to your uncle or mother for a few days?''

''I don't know. Shiro said that distracting me might help, but he also said not to go too far in case he needed to contact me.''

''Screw that guy! He gives me the creeps every time I see him,'' Keith grumbled loudly at the sight of his friend hugging dramatically. 

''That's not new, you're afraid of anything.''

'' Well yeah- but he's weird,'' Hunk emphasized. ''He came out of nowhere to promote you with an expensive suit and a suspicious hairstyle, and now he gives you orders about how you should work when you have never let anyone tell you what to do. He's up to something, I can feel it.''

''Don't worry, big man. He's been a big help so far,'' He placed one of his hands-on Hunk's shoulder and patted him lightly to encourage him. ''If anything happens, I have a good backing behind me.''

Keith knew his worries didn't came out of anywhere. At first, when he saw the six-foot-tall man in front of him, his natural reaction was to slam the door in his face and ignore him until he left. But when he insisted several days in a row with the promise of only talking to him, at on Kolivan's words who suggested how to deal with that situation when it was already getting a little strange, he decided to give him a chance to explain himself with Hunk by his side, and his family's blade behind his back, just in case.

Takashi Shirogane was an emerging artist agent with a couple of years of experience and quite a bit of recognition in the market. His job was to promote up-and-coming young talent that escaped the norm in the popular industry, acting as a go-between for agency contracts and directing people on the right path to a successful future.

The first image Keith had of him was that he was too young to work in an industry where contacts and reputation were important. But the way he expressed himself, along with his body language, showed him to be a person who knew what he was talking about, and he didn't feel a bad intention underneath his words. As he said, he had received the video of his performance from an acquaintance who was impressed by the skill and technique of his voice, recognizing a work behind that was not seen every day, calling his attention that with only a video with bad audio of a couple of minutes, he recognized his dramatic tenor record, earning his respect for the moment.

Shiro saw him as an artist with a talent that with the right directions could go quite far, and he wanted to be the one to get it. Keith saw the honesty in his gaze, though it did not go unnoticed that when asked about the person who sent him his presentation out of mere curiosity, he simply diverted the subject to a more important one.

An offer to open for a highly reputable group in Altea, where thousands of people would be to hear him before the main performance. Keith could not refuse when he saw the benefits it would bring, even if Shiro decided to turn it down in the end.

Thanks to the good publicity and more than one person who recognized him as the singer of the Red Lion bar, he was able to get through the first concert quite easily and was proud to be acclaimed by the audience with his repertoire of years of work. He thought about resting for the next day to take care of his voice properly after such an exhausting night until Shiro told him just after coming down from the stage that the next night he would be on a stage in another city. Keith took no notice and decided to take the job the next night, and the next, and the next...

Until he spent two whole months without a break. Thinking ridiculously if maybe he'd sold his soul to the devil himself. His voice resented it enough to send Shiro to hell for the excess events and lack of care. But thanks to all those jobs where thousands of people from the city and the surrounding area knew him for his musical talent, he was able to win the opportunity to record a single in a professional studio. Many of the songs he played in public were a mix of original and cover songs from bands popular enough to make it easy for musicians to follow him without much practice, and the songs that had the best recognition he played at the end of his performance with only his guitar as a backup, the same song that went viral on social networks and made Shiro a favorite on many stages. So it was a nice closing for the audience every time they heard it. 

But playing his singles in a studio with professional musicians was such an indescribable emotion that he almost cried that night, and even more so when he reached unexpected popularity that made his hands shake the first day. 

Only after that, Keith decided that if he could trust in Shiro. Though he did not deny that Hunk was right about his somewhat mysterious attitude where he seemed to be hiding something from him every time he asked about his personal life. But as long as it worked for his career, he preferred not to bother about it. He was still a great man, and he had deserved his respect. 

After eating his friend's sweets and congratulating him on the new recipe, he decided to go for a walk to a park a little further away than usual, taking a little bit of Hunk's suggestion, hoping that perhaps the change of scenery would help inspire him to a new song that was beginning to frustrate him. After several minutes riding his motorcycle through the city streets, he arrived at a forest far from any civilization that seemed quite enough to walk, with the sound of the foliage being caressed by the winter breeze that blew deep into his bones.

He took a deep breath and began to enter the forest, occasionally banging the dry leaves around his feet to make his way. Thinking of all that had happened in such a short time. 

The song that was making him famous was created years ago when his father's death hit him and his mother hard after a terrible car accident where he tried to help a family that was trapped by a storm. Keith remembered that night to this day, he was in his early teens when his uncle woke him up in the middle of the night with a worried look and a cup of hot chocolate. His mother wasn't with Keith when he heard the news cause of her job, which wreaked havoc on his behavior for several years even though his uncle did his best to comfort him.

Looking back, Keith greatly admired his family for the patience they had to endure his entire grieving process, helping and comforting him despite being a troubled teenager. One of the ways he was able to release the weight of his heart was to write down his feelings at the suggestion of his therapist, which ended up in a song he read whenever he needed to scream or cry about the early grief of someone so important in his life. So it was a song of pain and loneliness written from the depths of his heart. It was almost poetic that it was the same song that would help him emerge at such a critical time again, so he had to create something just as meaningful. He owed it to his family, his friends, and himself.

That was the true path he wanted to take as a musician. Songs that would talk about people's most painful and significant feelings where they could identify. To free themselves and shout out everything they longed to get out of their bodies as a cathartic method. Even if it took years to get what he wanted, it was important to start in a good way for the future.

He stopped in the middle of the forest looking at the treetops when his cell phone started ringing inside his pocket. He felt a knot in his stomach when he read the name of the person who was trying to contact him.

Shiro. 

He sighed for a few seconds before answering, hoping that he wouldn't want to see it immediately.

''Hello.''

''Hey,'' Shiro replied with a lethargic voice, listening to himself grow tired. ''Hunk told me you took a few minutes to clear your head, how's work going?''

How the hell did he know every step he was taking? Keith chewed through the answer thinking of saying something more positive, but he no longer felt like feigning ignorance with Shiro.

''Not very well, actually. I don't have anything. ''

''Yeah, I figured that would happen when I showed you the scope of your album. ''

''Really? What was the point then?'' Keith replied, somewhat irritated. Shiro humming thoughtfully.

''I figured you were someone who blocks out the pressure, but also the kind of person who works best when it's getting over it. You told me your best presentation was the viral video taken at Red Lion,'' Keith hummed in agreement. ''So I assumed that when you're at a dead-end, your brain works best at unexpected exits. That's what you need for your next project.'' 

''You're giving me a lot of credit, Shiro,'' Keith said somewhat uncomfortably because of the overestimation of his words. ''I'm just a singer who is barely known in Arus. I have work and study behind what I do, but I don't create new things.''

''Why not?''

''Because...'' He sighed heavily trying to sort out his ideas. ''I don't know, I have nothing special, and I haven't been able to write anything for a month.''

''Well, it's normal that you don't carry anything in such a short time. Don't worry about it, take it easy.''

''Doesn't that hurt your work? I mean, you're the one who represents me in your agency,'' Keith inquired, concerned. Agencies usually didn't allow breaks as extensive as his, since keeping clients within the firm was a considerable cost and required a regular base income. Even though he continued to work on events that were recommended to him, it was still a much more flexible schedule than expected. But Shiro just laughed casually.

''Not really, thanks to your extended work the first two months, Kerberos allows you to keep a three-month break so you have something new to deliver, you have two months left. If you have so many problems, I could contact the musicians we have to help you work something out...''

''No, but I'll keep it in mind if I need it later,'' If he let the company take the direction of his music, then it would be difficult to disengage in the future. It was the last thing he wanted at the time. 

''Well, I wasn't really calling you for an advance. I have some good news for you. I wanted to give it to you when I came to your house, but I guess it's okay to say it over the phone,'' Keith could hear Shiro taking a couple of papers around, waiting to hear what he says. ''I got you a concert on Sunday at Black Lesath, it'll be your first concert as a lead musician.''

''Are you serious?''

Keith sat down for a few minutes. It was one of the best cultural events in Arus, so it attracted a lot of foreigners interested in participating in a celebration that attracted not only good profits but also excellent publicity for emerging bands that were starting to gain popularity in the market. Even during his time at Red Lion, he made good profits during that time just by the number of people visiting the city. Applying to that place was almost elitist, and Shiro had succeeded.

''It wasn't really easy, I ended up arguing for hours with another agent who was interested in the application offer and got hit in the face for it. So I hope you're happy or I'll be deeply offended.''

''Shiro, you're amazing,'' He responded quickly even though he was exalted by the news. Shiro laughed on the other end of the call. 

''Okay, that's enough. We will have to prepare a lot of things during the next weeks and rehearse with the accompanying musicians that Kerberos can give you.''

''Thank you very much, Shiro, for everything,'' Hi agent hummed in response and his mood improved considerably because of the new. 

''As long as you can keep performing as you are, I'm sure you'll make excellent progress eventually. However, would you like a suggestion from me?''

''Sure.''

''A lot of blockages come about because the message you want to represent is clouded for different reasons. Clarify your ideas better and find someone or something you want to call with what you do, maybe it will help you find what you want.''

Keith did not quite understand what Shiro meant but thanked him anyway. He hung up the call and turned around to look for his bike, the afternoon was already beginning to fade and the characteristic red of the sunset was visible at the other end of the sky. The last thing he wanted to do was to arrive late at his house since he didn't go out with the appropriate clothes to endure the cold night of the city.

With Shiro's talk still in mind, he could get a better sense of what he wished for when he arrived home.

* * *

The week was fast enough for Keith to sleep through the afternoon of his day off after living between meetings and rehearsals without stopping. This year's event seemed to have more people than the last time, so expectations were high along with his performance in front of the people who would listen to him, so he couldn't stop at that point.

He was exhausted, but after a long time, he could finally feel fulfilled with the direction his life was taking.

After a quick meal Hunk had left the night before, he set to work playing with different scales and settings that might give him something appropriate to what he expected, with Shiro's suggestion still in mind in hopes of giving him some answers.

His songs were always directed towards strong, uncontrolled emotions typical of his favorite musical genre, along with high notes to bring the audience into a euphoric state while listening to him, but he was never very good at focusing a message on anything or anyone in particular, except the most popular of his repertoire. It wasn't something he used to do, but maybe it would be a good exercise in case some idea came to mind. He had nothing to lose so far.

After a few hours of searching for a topic he wanted to express himself on, things popped into his mind that could give him vague ideas about certain subjects. The pressure of work in areas of training, the continuous wear and tear of life in a tourist city like Arus, the panic of the future when faced with incomplete projects, or the difficulty of having a dog in an apartment that banned animals.

Hell, Keith even though he could make a whole album about how much he hated his neighbors.

He wrote down several ideas that he used to hear occasionally in music genres destined to the variants of punk or rap whose main function was to describe the fatalities that happened in political or social states in certain more vulnerable places. But he was not very committed to relating to music that was not of his personal interest and was already starting to deviate again.

He decided to take a break when his head started to hurt from the visual effort between the computer and the notebooks around him, but he felt satisfied when he started to see some progress that he had lost weeks ago due to lack of motivation. At least the structuring of the scales for different ideas was much more advanced than before.

While he was reviewing his social networks about news and offers of articles he should perhaps think about buying to renew his equipment, he read some mentions of the use of his music in different media, but there was something that strangely caught his attention. One of his videos was spammed by different people with the same message, assuming that perhaps some of his songs had been in something relatively popular, he decided to ignore it. But when he went to another link, he could tell that it was something recurrent in all his videos.

> _"Like if you also came thanks to PidgeGn''_

_"I'm only here for PidgeGn.''_

_"I heard it on Pidge's live show last week and I quite liked this guy's music.''_

_"PidgeGn likes rock?''_

Keith assumed it was an influence that had liked his music and shared it in his own networks. Remembering vaguely that Rolo told him something about it the last time he went to visit Red Lion in an almost comical way, saying that it was a quite recognized streamer in the world of video games. Keith didn't like games very much and didn't understand much about influencers, so he didn't know it. But if it was enough to get the attention of his old boss who wasn't too keen on that sort of thing either, then maybe it was worth looking into, at least knowing who he'd be so grateful to for spam. 

Placing his name in the search engine, an image appeared that brought back a vague memory that he had forgotten until today. Smiling at the same time for the surprise to see her again.

It was the girl on the bus.


	4. High and dry

**_Kill yourself for recognition_ **

**_Kill yourself to never ever stop  
_ **

**_You broke another mirror  
_ **

**_You're turning into something[you are not](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qFfFVSerQo)_ **

* * *

The first thing she found when she woke up was how grey and lifeless the sky was over the city, denoting that the first rains of spring were coming to clear the air full of pollution. She searched her calendar for the last time she watered the plants on her balcony that had long since been forgotten, indicating that it was time to change the soil substrate for a new one. 

Pidge sighed wearily, it was a laborious job, but she was grateful that she only had medium-size pots that did not require as much effort to transport and care for, so she would not have to worry about spending all day with her hands on the soil as she did at her mother's house where the work could go on for days on end in the greenhouse. While selecting the new pots with the gardening tools, she started checking the new notifications she had on her cell phone, ignoring the occasional message from her job or emails that were not of great interest, discount offers, and nonsense spam. Until she got to a message from her brother asking directly why she had decided to suspend the work in the orchestra indefinitely. 

Pidge didn't want to answer, especially knowing Matt with his unnecessary concern about her work life, but if she didn't answer today it would surely alert him to something bad. Bit her lip for a few seconds until decided to send him a short answer with the excuse that she only needed vacations after the last performance, which wasn't a complete lie either, leaving her cell phone forgotten on a table in the living room. 

_Lucia di Lammermor_ was a play that lasted two weeks longer than expected, causing Shay's popularity to skyrocket with new job offers in between. Pidge was not particularly jealous of the fame her friend was having about it, she was happy for her along with the rise of her career as a lyric soprano. But she was a little jealous of how much she was enjoying it. 

Pidge wanted to feel half of what Shay was experiencing, something that would reignite the passion for her work, or at least motivate her to keep waking up to the theater. After the performances were over, she decided to take vacations she had been planning for a couple of years. Iverson, her conductor, had been a close friend of her parents since long before Matt was born, and she had realized how unfocused she had been since long before her return from Arus, so Iverson decided to grant her permission as long as she returned to work as before. Pidge was partially annoyed at the memory of their conversation, but she couldn't blame him since it was her job to maintain the quality of the performances, and frankly, she agreed that her last role had been quite inferior compared to her previous works without even being the protagonist of the play. 

She had no excuse for arguing with him, at least the first few days had been pleasant enough to catch up on the cleaning and chores of her home, which had been a complete decline for several weeks thanks to her bad habits. 

Pidge was just hoping to find the motivation she needed on her days off, or she would have to make the serious decision to maybe change her job. 

The idea of working as a full-time streamer was always a temptation, but Pidge didn't feel qualified enough for that. She could spend weeks in front of a screen playing without any problems, but interacting with thousands of people daily and having to be careful to think through even the smallest comment, along with the rewards she demanded if she needed more sponsors, was a mental drain she was not willing to accept. Not to mention the constant exposure of her private life through a camera with a modest amount of followers was difficult to keep out. Her main work already left her in constant exposure from an early age that was not easy to balance, but despite the toxic environment that the world of classical music presented, people were interested in her abilities and achievements as a singer over her life, while on the Internet they waited for the opportunity to know every detail of her intimacy to judge her aggressively, which displeased her greatly. 

In the end, working as a public image was more of an annoyance than a possibility, an annoyance most of the time according to Allura, so she preferred to keep it as a hobby she could get rid of at any time if she wanted to. 

Putting on her gloves, she took the larger pots from the window and moved them to a more shady spot to remove the soil, taking care not to damage the roots in the process. One by one she left them in the free pot with a new substrate and some water to compress the soil around the roots. The plants' winter rest would soon be over, so that would help them feel better for the arrival of summer. She vividly remembered every tip her mother gave when she was gardening with her since she was a child, and although it was a nuisance to have so many plants in her home and to take care of the soil to keep them healthy, she had a feeling of homesickness when she observed them or worked on them, so she couldn't help but smile. 

It was almost a therapeutic feeling to cover again the roots of each one of the plants in his home, seeing them renewing themselves and shining with health because of his well-achieved work. Although Pidge hated the soil and pollen because her skin was too sensitive, it wasn't so bad to take care of them once in a while, she thought. At least there was something in her life she still enjoyed as a little girl. 

She didn't realize how long it was until she heard her cell phone ringing inside her kitchen with a near-emergent call. Taking off her gloves for a moment, she went inside to see who it was. 

Matt. 

''Hello?''

_''I've been talking to you for two hours,''_ He responded anxiously. _''Why don't you answer my messages?''_

''I'm busy,'' Said Pidge, activating the speakerphone as she returned to the window. ''What's so urgent?''

_ ''You answered my question with a sticker Pidge, you didn't even explain anything.'' _

''Oh,'' It was the only thing she could say as she sat near the balcony to continue her work. ''I guess... I didn't know what to say?''

_''Are you ok? You've been acting strangely for months,''_ Pidge knew her brother didn't mean it. Her tone of voice suggested concern, but prudence if she wanted to keep her space, so she preferred to take that way. 

''I don't want to talk about it, not now at least,'' She said softly, almost cautiously. ''I'm changing the potted plants now, and you know what Mom says.''

_''You have to think pretty so they don't get sad,''_ Matt answered with a slight laugh. It was a common saying that they had been taught since childhood as a personal belief that plants were highly sensitive to people's emotions, but that they held to this day as an irrefutable fact. _''Okay, so... How was your day?''_

''Normal, first time up.'' 

The conversation turned to nonsense. Matt telling how chaotic his last performance was and Pidge listening carefully to the strange stories her brother was living with the musicians from his work. Their whole circle related to the world of music knew that each musician had a characteristic stamp of their personality with the instruments they played, like the shyness of the altos or the hyperactivity of the violinists. It wasn't something that had scientific validity or a study in between, but curiously enough, she was usually right most of the time and Pidge thought that maybe it made some sense. 

Except with her brother. Matt was a cellist, a field in which most people used to be quite discreet and highly disciplined. So many times he would create chaos before and after each performance with banal jokes that on more than one occasion led to a problem with his conductor. Although deep down everyone loved him and enjoyed his witticisms. 

Hearing him talk about his stories always lifted her spirits, Matt was like that joyful and charismatic world that had always been difficult for her to access since high school. Pidge had friends and over time she learned to initiate conversation, but most of the time she failed to socialize with the rest of the world, looking at her as a freak who said meaningless things, so she decided to be discreet and let people come to her.

It's not like it bothered her anyway since she was lucky enough to find good friends as she got older. But even so, she was always longing for something more. 

_ ''Have you talked to mom this week?'' _

''No, should I?'' Asked Pidge as she finished moving her flower pots. Putting them in their proper place so they wouldn't be affected by the change. She could hear Matt sighing loudly from the other end of the call. 

_ ''Well, I broke with Ensen after our trip to London.''  _

''What?!'' She was so shocked by the news that he almost dropped the watering can in her hands. ''Why?! How?!'' A lot of questions came to her mind with only one possibility. ''What did you do, Matt?!''

_''I didn't anything,''_ He spat in disgust. _''It's just that with all this wedding stuff we started arguing every day. It's not new, we'd been together for years and some things were part of our routine as a couple, you know?''_ Pidge nodded like she understood what he meant, even though her brother couldn't see her. _''But...''_ Matt stopped for a few moments before he went on. _''The fights got worse every time the date got closer. It all started because I didn't take the clothes out of the dryer before the trip, and I just told him that I forgot but that I could take them to the laundry the night before. But she insisted on screaming that everything was wrong and other things. Until I asked her what the real problem was, and she said that because of those things she couldn't see herself living with me all her life.''_

''Ohh.'' 

Pidge could hear her brother's voice shaking. Vaguely remembering Rizavi's call before her last show and why he was so neurotic about everything lately, she felt guilty that she didn't realize it sooner. Matt never talked about his problems with anyone because he considered them a nuisance, not even with her, but she knew how to identify when something wasn't right. The clues were there, and she didn't pay attention to any of them. 

She was thinking so much about her own problems that made her put her brother aside. She had to sit on the wicker chair in the corner of her balcony to process all the information. 

_ ''The point is that I was so excited about the wedding that I never noticed how she might feel about it. N had more doubts than before and we talked about it all night when we calmed down. In the end, we decided to rest the subject and think about it during the trip. But when we got back we were more sure about the decision.''  _

''You were too?'' Pidge asked in surprise. 

_ ''Yes... Even if it didn't seem like it, I was also very doubtful whether it was a good idea to marry her. I mean, we loved each other and everything, but, uh, we had very different life plans. N wanted to travel all her life and then live in Arus, which was where she was born, and although it sounded good to me, it was hard not to have the idea of starting a family one day.'' _

And N was sterile, that was the word Matt wasn't saying, but there it was, implicit in the conversation. 

''So... How did Mom take it?'' 

_''Can you believe she had the nerve to look relieved in my face?''_ This time, the laughter was sincere from both. Even though if knew Matt was upset, she also knew it sounded funny. _''She loved her, but mom knew she had too many doubts about me. Besides, N never liked Mom's plants.''_

''It's kinda weird, your girlfriend was like a robot.'' 

_''Yeah...''_ She heard a sigh on the other line with a calmer feeling than before. _''I think after thinking about it, I feel relieved too, and it makes me feel bad. Isn't that strange?''_

''No, I guess it's normal to feel so many things. It wasn't like one of your passing girlfriends in college.'' 

_ ''Figures I was so close to getting married, but well... Never take an interest in an Arussian Pidgeon, they just bring trouble.''  _

Pidge might have laughed at the comment that that would be impossible and that her career came before anything else, or that people were too stupid to fall back into the error of a relationship as they always did when talking about those things with his brother. But the long silence that followed his comment set off Matt's alarms so quickly that Pidge couldn't object. 

_ ''You're interested in someone!'' _

''No!'' Pidge felt stupid to deny it being so obvious, so she just made Matt's suspicions come true. 

_ ''Is that why you were so strange? Who is he? Or is a pretty girl?''  _

''God, you're disgusting,'' Matt snorted carelessly. 

_ ''Give me something Pidge, this hasn't happened since high school and I want to make fun of you.''  _

''It's not someone I know, it's just...'' She thought about her options, but sooner or later her brother would get information out of her, so she resigned. ''A... Singer.'' 

_''Part of the chorus? Or is he a soloist in the orchestra? Wait, do I know him?''_ She felt so ashamed in her heart that she couldn't say it out loud, causing her brother's questions to increase. _''All right, save it. Rizavi must surely know who this is.''_

''Don't say anything to her,'' Pidge answered in reproach, bringing her legs to her body to keep some warmth, the cold of the afternoon was piercing her bones with only a pair of pajamas to keep her warm and the sky was beginning to darken. She realized that she had lost half the day working with her plants. ''He's not part of the orchestra and he's kind of stupid. He's just a rock singer I met on my visit to Arus.'' 

_ ''...is it Keith Kogane?'' _

''How,'' Pidge got out of her chair in a panic and was surprised that her brother was ALWAYS on top of the emerging musicians, becoming almost weird. ''How do you know him?''

_ ''How could I not? Kinkade showed it to me a few weeks ago at his last concert. He works with the same base of 90's rock in most of his songs, so he's taking a good base of people with nostalgia for that time.''  _

''Yeah, it's best to hear it live. His voice color is beautiful,'' She said in a sigh at the memory of that night where she met him, leaning on the railing. Matt whistled suspiciously. 

_ ''You got a crush on the rock guy.''  _

''Oh my God Matt,'' Pidge went inside her house to make dinner. ''When you say it, it sounds pretty pathetic.'' 

_ ''You like a singer!''  _

''Bye!'' 

She hung up her brother's burlesque laugh before she could hear it anymore. But she knew that part of him was right, she seemed like a teenage girl with the classic crush of her favorite band, but according to her, it was just a normal reaction after everything that had happened in the last while, which Matt had no idea about. 

Keith was a talented guy and worked on his voice, something she could objectively admire professionally. Not to mention that hearing him sing live when she was flooded with bitterness and contempt for her work made her love of music return suddenly. In the manner of a black-haired boy who seemed to be crying as he screamed on an unfamiliar stage. 

Pidge felt strangely reflected in him, in the pain of his voice and the desolation of his words throughout the night, and it was certainly comforting to know that she was not completely alone with something like that. As far as her brother was concerned, she was not a simple crush like a navy girl, fascinated by the beauty of a generic singer who after a few years would forget who was.

It was her own feelings reflected in someone else, the pure admiration of one musician for another, and the shared torment of a simple stranger. So Keith Kogane was, for her, a point at which she understood those feelings that she had kept deep in her heart for so many years that that night simply exploded in her face. 

They helped her to realize that it was an opportune moment to reflect on what to do from now on thanks to that cathartic moment, and during the following weeks, she would do her best to search for that meaning to her life that would make her feel that she belonged to something. From a new direction in her working world to a lost hobby that she put aside due to the circumstances of the time. Whatever she had in mind, she had to do it now when opportunities presented themselves. Again, the possibility of being a full-time streamer came to her mind as a faithful reminder that, if she wanted to and had enough energy to try, she could do something interesting easily. She was good at most games and her general knowledge scared most of her listeners. 

Perhaps it was a good time to consider it. 

She put away her gardening tools before leaving them behind in the slowly pouring rain and decided to turn on her computer while waiting for the pizza that was on its way. She had new sponsors after her last live a few weeks ago, which was a pleasant surprise after several began to drop out due to the low turnout in the last few weeks. Most of her old followers knew her work routine, where she needed to get lost for long periods to perform with everyday life, so many new followers did not last as long in tune. But Pidge didn't blame them at all, she was sure that there were people much more entertaining than she was. 

Most of them were generic names that she was used to reading during the broadcasts. Until she came up with a curious nickname from a cartoon series she hadn't heard for many years, making her smile unconsciously. 

Thunderstorm Darkness, like the dark elf in Monsters and Mana. 

It was part of an animation she usually saw on weekends with her brother in her parents' bed during elementary school, while they were making breakfast downstairs. With the sound of rain on the window, she remembered the times it rained in her hometown, and she would stay under the sheets and cushions with Matt until the storm stopped, watching the adventures of a group of friends of different races fighting a common evil, who in the end turned out to be the bartender with the mustache of the first chapters. 

''So you're one of my, uh...''

It was probably a complete nerd behind a screen, but she liked the name, and hoped it would be one of the fans that would stick around for quite some time. 

* * *

''Don't become an influencer, it's bullshit.'' 

''Wow, that's encouraging for you.'' 

Allura cleared her throat indignantly as she took a full drink from the full glass of black vodka she held in her hands. Pidge looked at her in astonishment, dropping her cookie on the bed where they were lying while watching a random movie.

She hoped for some kind of support for the idea, but her friend looked even more discouraged than when they had last met for the night. 

''Allura!''

''What?'' She answered almost innocently. ''Don't bother me, I need this after my shitty week.''

''You'll be returning all that in a while,'' Said Pidge almost amusingly, but then she remembered that she would probably have to hold Allura's hair while. 

''Yeah, sometimes I guess you need to throw up what's inside,'' Pidge looked at her with a raised eyebrow, hoping that her friend would continue after a second drink. 

''Are you okay?'' 

''Yes, it's just that this week there was a controversy about a makeup trend, and many people I follow started to be canceled because of the misuse of some techniques. It sucked and I lost thousands of followers by not saying anything in time.'' 

''The Lynx thing again?''

''No, but it was something similar.'' 

Pidge vaguely remembered something similar a few months ago since it was a problem that escalated pretty quickly across all the networks, causing public figures to speak out. The controversy was caused by a girl from West Balmerian who, by mixing certain drawings on her face, alluded to marks used in rituals in a country that many years ago was having internal conflicts with the Balmerians due to political causes.

The girl deleted the video and publicly apologized about what happened saying that she did not know about it, but people outside the conflict began to generate hatred on both sides with words out of context, ending in a battle on social networks where representatives of both countries had to give public statements to the situation, and the girl in the video completely closed her accounts for the constant hatred she received from it, where it did not matter if she was aware of the situation or not, but the action itself was the only thing that mattered to show that she was a terrible person. She killed herself a few weeks later when the world forgot about the problem because the burden of guilt was too much for her. 

Pidge was nowhere near the conflict, but it generated a strange fear about the kind of people on the Internet. They were not interested in knowing the context of the situation or the seriousness of what happened, in analyzing or understanding the problem being discussed, but in harming people because they had the power and moral acceptance on their side. Adding that there was no responsibility if they decided to make life impossible for the people who were accused of an incipient evil. 

When she told Sam about it on one of her visits, they had the same feeling that this situation was very similar to what happened in 1984, her father's favorite book, and Pidge couldn't help but agree. When the truth was revealed as absolute and was not reflected upon, that was when dictatorial ideologies began, leaving aside the free will of individuals. Something that was happening all the time on social networks. 

''People scare me'' Pidge said after a long contemplative silence, but Allura smiled appreciatively. 

''They are not terrible, I find it wonderful that the rights of people who are weaker than others are now being looked after. But the internet is a world where no one wants to look stupid, so when someone makes a mistake, they are punished until the person disappears, literally and figuratively. Because there's no one there to tell you that that's wrong.'' 

''True human nature?'' Pidge said sarcastically. 

''Maybe... But I don't think we're cruel!'' Allura got up to sit on the sheets of her bed, her vodka glass half empty. ''It's just that we're looking for social approval everywhere, right? And when there's a group of people who tell you someone made a mistake, you're not going to contradict the rest who seem to be smarter than you. So we never know if people are doing all that damage because they believe it or just because they're not able to stand up to the rest, and we're afraid of being seen as the bad guys too, you know?

''No,'' Pidge laughed when Allura threw one of the cushions at her. ''I mean, yeah, I get it. But it's too early to reflect on life and I'm not drunk enough for that.''

''Yeah, I think I need more beer too. ''

''Ohh, please don't mix things up,'' She asked for while she watched Allura go into the kitchen. ''You'll end up hugging the toilet all night.'' 

''But that's why I have you with me!'' shouted Allura from across the room.

''Perfect,'' Said Pidge drinking out of her can again. ''I just wanted to know your experience as an influencer, not to reflect on a social phenomenon.'' 

''Don't do it,'' Allura said. ''Find another approach to your career, but don't become a streamer, it'll be a pain in the ass.'' 

''People scare me more now.'' 

''Speaking of people... Romelle told me about Matt and his girlfriend.'' 

''Ex-girlfriend,'' Allura rolled her eyes while she was giving her a new can of beer. 

''Anyway, how's Matt taking it?''

''Fine, I guess. I talked to him yesterday and he sounded pretty calm,'' Pidge sighed as Allura settled back down next to her, the film in front of them had already gone into the background. ''He said it was relieved somehow, and I don't judge him.'' 

''I thought he was pretty confident about marrying N, but Romelle also confirmed that in the last rehearsals he looks even happier than before.''

''It's complicated. Matt really loved N, but there were a lot of things going on between the two of them.'' 

''Like about the kids,'' They both nodded silently. ''Lotor and I always talk about it, and we know that neither of us wants to have children in the future. But if our plans change... I couldn't see myself next to him,'' Allura took control to turn down the volume of the TV, which was only background noise at the time. ''I don't understand how Matt thought he could change his mind with some love.'' 

''We don't know what happened between them, Allura. Maybe at some point, they thought it would work,'' said Pidge thoughtfully, looking at her half-empty can without much interest. 

''Would you be with someone who wants children?'' 

Pidge was speechless, looking at a place in the room without much interest to avoid the question. The noise of the rain still ran through the city streets, changing the atmosphere as if it were her own life. 

''I don't even know what I want to do the next morning,'' She opened up, drawing the attention of her friend who huddled closer to her. ''I used to think that it was useless to have a partner because I was delaying my goals with the orchestra, I didn't have boyfriends in high school. But I achieved so much in my life that I ended up feeling empty,'' Until she heard Keith, but she preferred not to say it out loud because it was irrelevant. ''You said yourself that people need social approval, and I think I spent so many years looking for it without realizing that even my personal goals ended up being what people say is right, and now I don't even know if I want to be a singer anymore.'' 

''Is that why you've been so strange?'' Allura asked, so sweetly that Pidge's eyes burned for a moment, but she only nodded silently. ''It is not bad to have the same goals as the rest of the world, as long as it makes you happy.'' 

''I don't even know who I am on stage anymore, I can't tell if I am happy.'' 

''So what will you do?''

''That's why I came with you!'' The annoyance quickly went to her head in anger at so many consecutive questions that had no clear answer, and she was left facing Allura, who was watching her calmly. ''I don't know what I want to do! I didn't even have a second choice because all my life I grew up watching my family do the same thing and I thought this would make me happy too!'' She got out of bed walking around in circles to try and calm herself in the face of hundreds of doubts that came to her mind, so full of frustration that she started pulling her hair. ''Do you think I have any answers about anything you've told me? No! I don't understand why people hurt each other! I don't know at what point Matt thought it was a good thing to marry someone who didn't want kids! And I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do to emerge as a human being! Because I never thought that would happen to me!''

She knew Allura didn't mean any harm. It was just a rhetorical question that didn't make any sense. But the effect of the alcohol, the intimate environment, and the worry of someone else's words was only enough to make Pidge start crying inconsolably after her anger stopped and the true fears of her heart appeared in her mind. 

She hated doing it in front of someone, but she needed someone else's love so badly that she couldn't help but break down in front of Allura, she couldn't ask her brother who was going through a difficult time, she couldn't do it with her co-workers because they weren't living what she was living. She was hugged until her entire chest felt empty of any emotion, entering calmly into her senses while her eyes burned and her face was moist with the tears that she had worked so hard to shed after months of silence.

It was like a mother's feeling that only Allura could generate was enough to release her chains completely, the warm unconditional embrace that was there whenever she needed it, as it is now. 

For the first time after several weeks and with a couple of beers on her body, Pidge was able to sleep peacefully, with the caresses on her most precious friend's head and her heart empty of worries for that night. 

* * *

_New chapter! <3 For the beauty person who wants to help me as a beta, I couldn't DM you because ao3 doesn't allow me ;; but you can find me in my [Tumblr! ](https://b-kitsune.tumblr.com/)_

_See you next time!~~_

**Author's Note:**

> Finally can start this long fic since too long thinking about it. I want to say that every chapter has a song for tittle for some reason, If you an listening meanwhile you read, it could be better. <3 Hopefully post new chapters every week. See ya!


End file.
